6 Ridiculous Inventions That Make Great Holiday Presents

Funny, Bizarre, NakedLaw

United States patent law specifies that to be patented, an invention must be both new and useful. Canned sandwiches? Bras that hold beverages? Definitely new. “Useful,” apparently, is a fairly subjective qualification, as shown by the following inventions. All of these are currently available for purchase, just in time for your holiday shopping!

The Wine Rack

For all the women who bemoan the price of drinks at sporting events and concerts, the Wine Rack is a sports bra equipped with a concealed 25 oz beverage holder, drinking tube, and an on/off valve to prevent inconvenient leakage. The creator claims that even if a security guard does dare to pat you down, the shape of the container makes the hidden beverages undetectable.


Tired of unsightly bruises on your banana? Good thing someone invented the Bananaguard, which will protect your fruit from getting bumped and bruised in your lunch bag or briefcase.  “Specifically designed to fit the vast majority of bananas,” according to the product website, so apparently those with unusually small or large bananas are out of luck.


If you don’t want to risk the rest of your lunch being squished, there’s always the Candwich. This, yes, sandwich-in-a-can does not require refrigeration, offers convenient and protective packaging, and comes in three flavors — two varieties of PB&J, and BBQ chicken. Yum!

Better Marriage Blanket

Looking for a great gift for newlyweds? Look no farther than the Better Marriage Blanket, which claims to use the same type of fabric used by the military to protect against chemical weapons. This wonder blanket absorbs and neutralizes odor so that, presumably, wives driven off by their spouse’s flatulence can return to the marriage bed. The product ads make it clear that women are driven off by their male bedmate’s stink; apparently men are oblivious. Or women don’t smell.

Noodle Eater’s Hair Guard

It’s so difficult to keep one’s hair out of one’s noodles, isn’t it? And it’s not as if it’s easy to keep one’s hair from falling in one’s food in a hundred different ways, since barrettes, elastic bands, headbands, and the like are extremely difficult to come by, unwieldy, and hard to use. It’s obviously much easier to put this thing around your head.


Apparently something like 100,000 pets in 37 different countries have Neuticles these days. Now don’t you wish you’d thought of prosthetic animal testicle implants?

Do you know of any other inventions that should be added to the list?