Sexual harassment is a complex and, unfortunately, pervasive phenomenon that spans all human cultures and classes. Psychologists tell us that not all sexual harassers fit the same mold, however.
As it turns out, there are about a dozen different, unique ways to sexually harass someone—everything from U.S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas’s infamous coke can pube to the construction workers who whistle as a woman walks by.
In fact, it’s possible to sexually harass someone without even being aware of it. You might even think that if it’s that subtle, who cares? The problem is that you are making another person extremely uncomfortable and potentially causing psychological trauma. Here are the major categories of sexual harassment—do you fall into any of these?
Quid Pro Quo Harassment
Quid pro quo harassment is probably what most people think of when they imagine sexual harassment. These are the guys (although women in high positions increasingly do it, too) who have power and dispense benefits in exchange for sexual favors. Bosses, teachers, and Hollywood casting agents are most often thought of in this category of sleaze.
Mentor Harassment
Often a precursor of quid pro quo, a mentor-style harasser is a teacher, leader, clergyman, or boss who makes his victim feel as if they have a special relationship, when actually his intentions are sexual. This harasser type is especially creepy because of the level of trust involved. Similar to the mentor is the “confidante” harasser, who creates and emotional bond with a subordinate by sharing stories and becoming a friend for the purpose of later intimacy.
The Joker
The joker is the guy who makes lewd comments or jokes “all in fun,” as an act of bravado, competition, or because he thinks it’s cute. This kind of harassment is common in group situations and may involve a number of people in a kind of gang mentality—the kind of harassment you see in fraternity houses, for example. What jokers don’t realize is that, rather than coming off as jovial, fun-loving guys, they actually make themselves look like epic skeezes, and leave their targets feeling self-conscious at best, and psychologically scarred at worst.
The Toucher
Also known as “the groper,” the toucher will hug or touch you whenever the opportunity arises, but not just because he’s affectionate. This is the guy who “accidentally” brushes your tush while passing behind you, gives unwanted shoulder massages, or insists on bear hugs, during which he disgustingly rubs his body against yours. Touchers are extremely psychologically damaging to their victims and should probably have their nasty, roaming hands whacked off as a matter of course.
The Bully
The bully is the kind of guy whose ego is so fragile, he must punish his victims for their perceived slights by sexually harassing them. This is the guy who has a psychological need to prove he’s more powerful than a woman and can do whatever he likes to her, including subjecting her to humiliating and degrading sexual insults. A woman who has resisted the advances of a guy and then had him turn on her and call her a whore was dealing with this type of jerk.
The Gallant
Similar to the joker, this type of harassment is verbal, but while the joker may use insults, the gallant is under the impression he is being complimentary by whistling, praising a person’s appearance or making gender-specific comments. Although flirting can include these types of comments, what makes the gallant a harasser is the fact that his input is not welcome by the recipient.
Contrary to what some men seem to think, “Hey baby, nice rack,” makes most women feel vulnerable, preyed upon, and degraded. Even being told you have pretty hair can be gross if the person doesn’t have an intimate relationship to you, such as your boyfriend or hairdresser.
All the Other Jerks
Other harasser categories include the intellectual seducer (similar to the mentor, but usually a college professor type), the incompetent (a socially inept guy who doesn’t know how else to speak to a woman), the pest (who can’t take no for answer), and the situational harasser (who is triggered by an event like divorce and deals with it psychologically by harassing others). There is even a category for those who sexually harass unintentionally—many men really don’t understand the dozens of little ways women may be repressed, exploited, or subtly victimized every single day and therefore are unaware that they are causing harm with their “innocent” sexual comments.
The next time you’re about to openly leer at someone or make a double entendre, give some thought to how you could be taking a little slice out of the recipient’s psychological well-being. The person may not show it—women especially are so bombarded with this kind of behavior that most have learned to just let it slide—but more often than not, it is damaging. Even if the damage is small, it adds up. Do you really want to be that person? Yeah, we didn’t think so.
